A Bedtime Story

As a woman living in a large sophisticated city
Why is it I can’t find a man with normal sleeping arrangements?
It’s not unrealistic to expect someone out of a dorm or that has flown
the coop from the fam
To have a bed.

I go to a guy’s house and I‘m confronted
With a couch, a futon, an air mattress, a Murphy bed, a sofa, a loveseat, a
settee, an ottoman

Never normal...I want a mattress, box spring, and a headboard
Instead, it’s just one or two out of the three

A mattress and a box spring, but no headboard

A mattress and a headboard, but no box spring

A box spring and a headboard, no mattress

I ‘m not asking for a full bedroom set with matching armoire

The worst was a guy who owned an antique store that he lived in

Maybe it was the fumes

But

He never used a bed

He slept on a huge table

And no matter how many pillows, sheets, blankets, quilts, comforters, and
teddy bears you put on a table

It’s still a table

Then I met a guy and I thought my luck had changed

Because he lived in a house

Surely has got to have at least one bedroom with an actual bed in it
He did

It was 6 feet off the ground and I had to take a running leap to get on it

And once there I got vertigo

So

While a girl can get laid in this city

She just can’t get any sleep

Ashley Taylor Clayton

 

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