And in the End, Abundance Magazine

And In the End
Looking for love? Don't give up.

The USA Today poll that showed a majority 45% of the men interviewed as preferring full-figured women was met with outright skepticism from the size community. "Full figured" some say, does not necessarily mean "BBW", but women with pronounced butts and big breasts. While I have no way of knowing how these ladies executed their poll, I can tell you that there were illustrated figurines that were associated with each of these categories. The slim woman certainly looked like a size six; the athletic woman looked like she could throw me over a house or a bale of hay in the back of a pickup; while the full figured woman was certainly not a size eight with breasts hanging down to the floor. This woman was full figured to the point that even the great Mr. Les Toil would have to give me that. The inference was pretty clear from the gist of the illustration accompanying the article: this woman was not a Mode model, but a true BBW. While no-one can pinpoint the images that were in the men's minds when they answered the questionnaires, I believe it's safe to say that the overall thrust was true to the shape that makes an FA's heart beat faster.

As a rebuttal to the USA Today poll, a lovely lady tried a "poll" of her own: she placed two personal ads on Yahoo. One told her real weight, and the other did not. The honest ad, she said, garnered no responses. Her "skinny" ad, however, received twenty-four responses in twenty-four hours. Proof, she says, that men don't prefer BBW's. But there's more to the story. You have to be careful when you do these polls and also, when you offer rebuttal. Because the very way that you phrase your questions can, within themselves, offer subtle negative connotation. If, for instance,I walked up to a man and said "would you entertain a lifelong union and remain physically attracted to a three hundred pound woman?", ie., using a number to frame a feel, that unto itself may evoke a form of a negative response. To an FA who is well versed with the lingo that goes with his preference, three hundred pounds may well be a sexual turnon. But to a man who is not completely in touch with his feelings, YET would be attracted to this woman if he physically saw her, may attach some lingering societal stigma to that number and because of this, respond, "absolutely no way in Hell." In other words, to an established FA, three hundred can mean pure joy while to another man coming out of the proverbial closet, it could mean a woman without a discernible female form.
Let me relate to you a true personal tale in my understanding of what my preference of the female form was. When I decided to come out of my "closet" and pursue my heart's desire, I thought that a woman between 200 and 250 lbs would be what I would want. And that 300 lbs would never be something that would be in my gunsights. Well, that lasted about as long as it took for me to have my first date with a three hundred-pound woman. I was in heaven. I had trouble walking most of that night, if I may be so bold. It was then that I learned something about myself, and people in general: they have trouble relating numbers to the actual physical form. To me, three hundred pounds means a female form I love very much. To somebody else who has no experience translating numbers to actual size, it might mean an amorphous shape that doesn't even look like a woman. Example: I once saw a movie where the characters discussed a fat woman who they termed "so huge she couldn't walk"; they surmised she must be at least two hundred and seventy pounds! Obviously, the screenwriter, like most people, has no concept of how weight translates into size.
Like it or not, dating is a sales job. And it's each person's responsibility to sell themselves in the true light that most accurately represents them. One thing that amazed me in the six years that I was out there solo was how many quality, intelligent women had no idea about how to present themselves. There are thousands and thousands of single people on both sides of the fence, it is up to you to differentiate why you are different, why you are special, and why you are the one upon whom they should come a-callin'.
Many women of size have a tendency to blame way too much of life's trials and tribulations on that number on a scale: "I have challenges in this area because I'm fat. This didn't work out because I'm fat. I failed at that because I'm fat. He didn't find me attractive because I'm fat". And yes, that may very well be true. But other times, fat didn't have a damn thing to do with it. It's just life being what it is. And those dynamics work for everybody. The fat gets to be the crutch and oh-so-easy to blame. While we're walking throught he Complaint Department, I also hear this a lot: big beautiful women complain that they outnumber the men at least seven to one. When I hear that, I always challenge them to look at what their thin sisters are going through. Because they have the very same complaint. I've been to thin social clubs…and guess what I found? Three or four women to every man. The same percentage I saw in the size clubs. And like them, I wondered if something wasn't afoot. Did a lot of us men join the Gay movement? Or did the Vietnam War wipe us out? Because baby, we weren't there. Yet, the percentages of those passing to the Great Beyond indicate we don't start taking that trip sooner than women until about seventy years and above. So the only conclusion I can come up with is that men pick and choose their spots as to when they are on the prowl. Not all of them are out there (and do I dare say this?) looking for a hole to plug.
Women and men socialize differently, which may account for the number differential. For instance, have you noticed that women tend to go to nightclubs in groups, and men are lone wolves? Men never call up four or five buddies to go on the hunt. They go it alone. Women, on the other hand, very often travel in groups when looking to meet men. This in itself can account for the disparity in the social scene gender numbers. It is also the nature of the game: men are the hunters, and women are the hunted. To be a hunter, you don't have to announce your presence. To be the hunted, you do.
And another little jewel from the other side of the fence: yup, there are boys out there looking for the fast lay. But do you know how many women I went on dates with, who, on the first or second date, wanted to look at my P&L statement from the previous year? This is what keeps the game interesting. After you've been out there in the wild and woolly world of human relations, there are times that you are going to get beaten down. It is unavoidable because there is certainly a cruel side to humanity, and from both sexes. But for all people, whether they are 120 pounds or they are 450 pounds, the dating experience will always be what they make of it. And that will never change. How you go into it has everything to do with how you come out of it.
Dating is not baseball. You're not looking for a four hundred batting average. You're only looking for that one hit, that one homerun. And you may have to take a thousand at-bats to get there. But if you stop going to the plate, your contention that you will always be alone will become a self-fulfilling prophecy. This next is easy to say but sometimes it is also hard to do. But the people who I witnessed having the most fulfilling dating experiences were those who were full of life and weren't afraid to express it; they let the chips fall where they may. Men and women are always attracted to dynamic, positive feeling, effusive individuals. But you don't have to be Rosie O'Donnell or Delta Burke to see plenty of action. Just a quiet confidence in yourself and a love of life and being a woman is very attractive to a man regardless of your size.
And in the end, only the one you were meant to be with will be the one to make you feel whole. Everything else is just intermission.

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