The Higher Edict, Abundance Magazine

The Higher Edict

(The following was posted on the NAAFA discussion board).

As a personal rule, I usually don't post here due to NAAFA's tendency to delete controversial posts or any major points that do not parallel their timeworn policies. But after seeing my wife get mentioned in a post and consequently reading the adjoining threads, I decided to risk it. After all, no one wants to enhance their calluses just to see someone kill what you passionately feel. The discussion going on down there is the age old question about dieting, eating well, exercise and the role they play in NAAFA's positions. For what it is worth, this is what I feel based upon my own experiences and also helping many BBW's that were searching for their answers.

It seems Rosie O. has stirred up the proverbial pot. Another fat person makes it to the bigtime so naturally it must be time to start working on that figure. I know I'm cashing it in if Drew Carey starts hawking Weight Watcher desserts. But so what if Rosie and Oprah and Ricki embark upon doing whatever their thing is? The hue and cry from the size acceptance end about sending the wrong messages to the poor fat masses will always be a given. The real problem is not Rosie's actions but our own inability to frame and then communicate the real truth about acceptance and the role it plays in everyone's life. If we had that, we would not be worried about some Hollywood celebrity living their life in front of a camera (did someone say Oprah?). Peace and acceptance reside in many different levels in a person's life and cannot be simply defined as a weight-only issue. Most people within NAAFA do not officially acknowledge this and consequently attempt to limit the cure to "don't ever attempt a diet and learn to love what you've got." This may work for some of our brothers and sisters but it will never be the encompassing message that will make NAAFA a strong, viable organization; an organization positioned to help all peoples who struggle with the effects of size-related bias, thoughtless prejudice and the inevitable personal damage.

Sometimes it seems NAAFAns revolve their main pillars of beliefs around two numbers: 95% and 40 billion. Nothing else matters. When in a pinch, pop those numbers out. See a camera, get ‘em in on the first take. Got a podium, let them fly and sit back for the applause. I'll bet most of the people who read this will need no explanation for what they are and therein lies one of our problems. We have blasted the diet industry (rightfully so) so much until it has become the end all to a lot of people's thinking and consequently, we have not taken care of the real challenges we face. Our real challenge is to finally come to terms with what the common person’s needs are and fashion an approach that embraces them; an approach which gives them hope as well as the desire to return the love to others which will result in strenghtening us further. We must learn the nature of acceptance and positive self-image and how to perpetuate it. To some, dyeing your hair, climbing atop Telegraph Hill and screaming what is obvious to the naked eye is the pathway to acceptance. Once again, we fall into a trap of making acceptance too simple, but this is what the vocal minority has sold for the majority for a long time. This is one big reason we have had little overall success in getting our message out to mainstream America. After thirty years of existence, some old NAAFAns consider the 1998 convention as a high water mark in the history of our organization. Two hundred people attended. You tell me.

I'm all for "living large" if that is what works for you, but for me and hopefully for the majority,itis just plain old-fashioned "living." That is where you find acceptance. There is a "higher edict" that even size-acceptance must serve. Each person has the right to live their life as they deem fit and we must honor that if we are to have mass credibility. Indeed, people have to hurt, to cry, to love, to experience things in order to build a platform, a pillar of knowlege so they may accomplish their dreams and along the way learn about who they are, what is their purpose and what gives them true happiness. If they find they are unhappy with their physical body and based upon what knowledge or experience they have they decide to go on a diet, then let them knock themselves out. I'll be behind you 100%. If you want my opinion or advice, I'll tell you what I know. I'll even tell you about the 95% number, but by all means I wish you success. I'll keep my mouth shut if that's what you want. I'll also be here if things don't work out. Maybe next time we can explore more about your relationship with food and the relationship between your soul, your body and how society has reacted to it. The point is this: if a person wants to jump on the Slim-Fast bandwagon, do the stomach-stapling (God forbid) or anything that encompasses 40 billion then we shouldn't jump all over them as a person or as an organization. As NAAFAns, we should try to give them all the information we can so they can make an intelligent decision concerning their lives. But we should also welcome them with open arms, and let them discuss their emotions without being harrangued or censored. Hammering on people is only going to run off the very people we need to help. Open this webboard up and let the information flow, we owe this to everyone who has ever sought help from this site.

True acceptance comes to someone when they have lived long enough and experienced enough to obtain value from what they have accomplished; it comes from knowing the positive impact they have on the people they love and those they will come to know and love. I say just "acceptance" because the fundamentals are the same for those of us of size as they are for those who have faced prejudice because of sex, creed, skin color, etc. NAAFA must realize we need to reach out with a message of compassion and understanding and the sanctity of the individual’s right to live freely.We will not preach to you nor condemn you for your actions but we will help you with understanding the truth as we know it. If society violates your rights as a citizen, then we will fight with what we've got to right a wrong. And when someone is lost in the downward spiral of ravaged self-esteem, we will offer them solid advice on life, not "get rich quick" schemes of acceptance that are as shallow as the prejudices that hurt the person in the first place.

This next paragraph may be rough for some old NAAFAns, so consider everyone warned. I have gone on two diets in my life and both times they worked. I kept the weight off for years, not weeks. I gained weight back because of lifestyle changes and not because the diets failed. Now before Brian has a stroke, let me explain why I said this. First off, I know I'm of the male persuasion and it's a bit easier for us. Secondly, I know that my body has a metabolism that allows this to happen. I am inclined to believe that the 95% is closer to the truth than it is to fiction. The point is, NAAFA's desire to place everyone in the same shoebox is not practical. Everyone's body is different and so are some of the things that work and don't work. Consequently, we can accurately only speak in percentages and not the absolutes some NAAFAns are so fond of. This damages our credibility when we say “this won't work” or “that's plain” stupid when there are people out there who know better. We've got enough problems with image that we don’t need a person waving a sign on TV saying "2-4-6-8 we will not regurgitate". Instead, we need to be truthful. As much as I might not like it and you know the deleters on this webboard don't like it but there are people who have successful weight-loss surgery and are happy about it. Not very many, but they are out there. Once again, people deserve the full spectrums of the issues, not some edited version of someone else's beliefs.

NAAFA is an organization that has a much-needed place in our society. I, for one, only wish it great success because that will mean a lot of people who felt so very alone before will discover they have friends now. But to get there, some very tough questions will have to be answered and in this humble scribe's opinion, a new course must be charted with a new commitment and a more balanced sense of what our people need.

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