My Dilemma

(Discussing a beautiful large woman on TV).

Me: "She's beautiful."

He: "No, she's too fff…..!" (Luckily he catches himself).

Me: (ready to kill him): "Hello, darling - what about the 250lb woman laying naked next to you in bed?"

This is the current dilemma I am facing - seeing a man who normally cannot see a fat woman as attractive, a dilemma I have faced my whole adult life. I only seem to seriously date men who are BBW-virgins, i.e., a man who has never dated a woman over 140lbs. My current serious boyfriend (probably my last too, if you catch my meaning) is so far on the opposite end of that spectrum, that the whole time we were friends before dating, he only dated near-anorexic women.

So, how and why the hell are we together, right? This is the perfect example of what I try to convey to every overweight woman who has ever written me complaining that men never approach them because of their weight. Unfortunately, its something I've heard through the years from lots of women. I love proving them wrong. Perhaps that is why I find men who I know wouldn't normally look at me and go "va-va-voom",  to be my next conquest. I think it's partially to reaffirm my self-confidence and also to just "show them". My current relationship is a perfect example. We met through work. He had everything I look for in a man - handsomely rugged looks, brains, a sense of humor, and that unattainability factor because I knew his preference was very, very skinny! But we got on so well, and even though I could tell he was fighting it, debating with himself whether this could really be happening, we started spending more and more time together. I felt the sexual tension building between us - yet he was still resisting, not letting himself succumb to the inevitable. I knew all along though that we would be together. I never imagined, though, that it could be so great. You're probably wondering "how the heck can it be so great when she's with a anti-fat-ite? (as I like to call him, a semi-Seinfeld reference). But I'll get to that.

Eventually, after being friends for a while, we did start seeing each other romantically and if this man didn't like fat women, he sure didn't show it. He was more interested in my body than almost any man I had ever gone out with (and there's been a few). To his amazement, he fell in love with how I felt - the softness of my curves, the pillowy cushions naturally created by my body everywhere. He adored it. And for a while he still admitted to having this battle still going on in his head - when we were naked, he worshipped my body and how it felt, but his head during the day said he shouldn't. This is the problem with all men who you think might not ever give a fat woman a chance. They are conditioned to think that fat is bad, as is every other person in the world, remember? But this way of thinking can be overcome. No man before has ever come close to treating me as well as my "anti-fatite" boyfriend does today. He knows now and knew before this started that this was who I was - I was honest right from the beginning. No, I will never be thin. No, I will never starve myself again. Yes, I am happy with myself just the way I am. If you don't like it, tough - NEXT! Of course, I prayed that he didn't care and luckily for me he didn't.

Today we are disgustingly happy and my weight is never an issue. By setting the tone early in this relationship, I know I will never face any of the ultimatums we as large women are often faced with (e.g., lose weight and you'll get an engagement ring, lose weight and we can go on holiday, etc.)

So, what does this mean, you ask? Well, firstly, it means that when we look at all those men with thin women and think "well, there's another man I'll NEVER get" - think again. Or better yet, when there's a man in your life who has made his preference in womens' bodies abundantly clear but you still can't help finding him irresistible - go for it! Our bodies should never, ever prevent us from finding what we want in life, especially love. This is something every one deserves. So, if you are prepared to give it, allow yourself to receive it.

But remember how hard it is to be loved if you can't love yourself first.

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