"This is a wake-up call from Hell."
In my lifetime there have been a lot of news events. I was 12 when President Kennedy was killed, and I remember watching the women crying on TV and not understanding why they were so emotional. More recently, I remember the tearing down of the Berlin wall, as well as the loss of life in far too many trajedies both here and around the world. I have never been reduced to tears by one of these events, although I was deeply moved and filled with compassion. But this...this is different. Every waking moment today I have either been crying or on the verge of tears. Twice I have gone to bed and slept for an hour just to shut down the emotions. I am angry. I am powerless. I am afraid. I feel vulnerable, unprotected, and as though I am wandering about vacantly. I am sad, confused, disconnected, physically sick, and I want to know what we are going to do as a nation to restore my----our---sense of confidence and power. There is nothing I can do. Symbolically, I put up my American flag yesterday morning within minutes of hearing of the attack. But when I hear the members of congress singing God Bless America, when I see the flag unfurled from the top of the Pentagon, when I watched the prayer vigil Washington I am simply overcome. I am an emotional person, but I am generally able to control these kinds of responses. I don't know where all of this is coming from, after so many years of being able to deal with trajedies with what I would think is a fair amount of strength. I am just a mess, and I don't know why. I am always strong. Why is this different? There are no answers. I just wanted to ventilate. Kris, September 13, 2001, 12:16AM.
I'm here a few minutes from San Francisco and it's pretty much business as usual, but on the day of infamy San Francisco shut itself down as if it was New York City itself. All big business came to a halt and public transportation was very sparse. We have a lot of tall landmarks that were of concern. Emotionally everyone I know is spent. Poignant stories are shared on TV and the radio and they all put huge lumps of emotion in my throat. Nicole has cried at least a dozen times so far. Stories of heroism, stories of NYC citizens working hand-in-hand to clean up the tragedy, and, again, stories of sorrow. No doubt it's brought this country together like nothing else I've experienced. Brian, September 13th, 2001, 3:37AM.
I was talking to my brother today about the bombings, and he told me about a MS (not that i'm picking on MicroSoft) flight simulator you can get for your PC. It involves flying around in any plane you want, and in many different locations you want, and in one option of the game you can fly around Manhatten Island. He was telling me about how when you get bored with the game, for fun you can decide to crash into the buildings. He reasoned, maybe, that something as innocuous as a game like that could have been the impetus to stimulate the thoughts into the minds of the terrorists as to how to go about launching a terrorist attack. He seemed quite adamant it ought not to be discounted as a possibility. So i asked him to come up with the goods and support his theory some more. Like, what actually happens in this game when you do crash into buildings? Curious himself he decided to look up the game on the internet. The best he could find on-line was various screenshots of the version of the game that involves Manhatten Island. Because both of us were unsure how accurate the graphics were, i decided to surprize him a little and show him exactly what we ought to be identifying. With that i went to my book shelf and brought down a book out of a plastic sealer bag (just about all of my good books are stored like that, and most of them are good). It's a book by Bill Harris called "MANHATTEN A Photographic Journey". It's fairly large book measuring about 14"x10". It needs to be large because inside are various pictures of all the different buildings, sky scrapers, and street scenes of the city. Of all the different presents my girlfriend at the time could have got me on her excited first overseas trip to the U.S. (and yes i did demand she ought to bring me back lots of pressies) she decided that book to be one of my main presents. My second most main present was to be a poster of one of the more historic corner buildings in the city, and my littlier presents were tee-shirts, and the even littlier ones were all the other teeshirts she bought for herself which i nicked of her and constantly wore instead. Anyway, not that i'm into buildings, or have ever expressed an interest in buildings, to her, or anyone else at any stage. But yet, somehow, after knowing me very well she decided of all the things she saw, and of all the things she could get me, that would be one of the presents i'd most like. And very much i did like that present. She knew how i'd enjoy looking at all the big pics of all the different buildings, and streets and things in and around Manhatten. My brother who's never really seen a proper look at the World Trade Centre Towers before, and one who is only very seldom likely to utter a compliment or priviledge about anything (and i tell you what, i mean that when i say it, he is very serious and too easily scoffs and criticizes). When he skimmed through the book, and scanned through the skyline of the various images, he was very surprized and was startled enough to exclaim aloud, just how surprized he was to realise just how very beautiful the those two building were, and how he had never realised that about them that way before, not even up to just recently. I tell you what, the way he surprized me like that with his candidness made me choke and almost go into tears; not that he noticed though.. I sort of realised as well at the time, just how so much more precious my book now is, with pictures of the two towers, ascentuating the skyline, standing in their splendid glory. Not that i love huge buildings, though. Only about a fortnight ago i remember thinking how frighteded i'd be, and how awful it would be to work in a huge skyscraper building like that. To be like a wee ant in some huge complex mound, one so much more bigger than yourself and greater than you in so many ways; one of which ways is how it may symbolise any various grandiose icons that the particular building one inhabits may represent. Even though one can easily envy those who work out of such lavish offices which many of the building's rooms must have. There was something awful to me about being working part of a corporate culture machine building like that. But more importantly, why i was frightened is because i would not ever want to live and work in one of those building because of the vulnerability provided in an artificiality environment like that, and how generally unsafe it all is cos of how you're so much trapped in. Despite all this, i could still see and understand how wishfully seductive they were. Not long after, all these greatest fears (which funnily enough, i was having in bet, which makes sense i guess, on account of the large amounts of time i spend sleeping). Anyway, whilst i was dreaming my nightmare away, littlt did i realise how it was about to be lived out in horror and on an unimagineable scale. You know, i wouldn't be surprized if they don't ever build big huge tall buildings anymore. And to tell the truth, i wouldn't really mind either. In our local news, they highlighted the story of a NZ girl who was on the fiftyith floor of the building which the first plane hit. By the time she got to the bottom of the stairwell and on her way out of the doors, it was only a matter of around about a minute before the whole building came down. As she and others were panicking and screaming to get out, she said she and the rest trying to escape were greeted by some of the fit, most handsom, young, buck looking men of which so many together she had never set eyes on before. "New Yorks Finest" she described them as. She said about how they were so gentle and kind, offering their hands to people and reassuring them all on their way out. As she and her colleagues were all piling out, these firemen were all rushing up the stairs in a hurry to get in. Everybody felt relieved and comforted as they told and reassured everbody, that, "Everything was going to be fine". As she ran away from the building, only far enough to watch it all come crashing down, all she could think of was the firemen rushing to get up, rushing to help, rushing to save everyone. There are other memorable moments that spring clearly to my mind. One is of the lady who described the way her son called her from one of the planes, ten minutes before it crashed into the tower, maybe it was the first tower, i'm not sure. He heard his mothers voice and described himself to her with his full name, that is, sir name included. He wanted to ring her just to tell her how much he loved her, over and over again. When she relayed how he introduced himself to her with his full name, she said so with including a chuckle and high spirits that only a mother could have, knowing she was fortunate enough to her for the last time the emotion inside him, of her son's soon to by dying voice. Another image which comes to mind, is that of the rescue workers. It included with them, the sight of a building in the process of toppling down. Escaping away from the foward ahead moving, tell-tale, billowing black cloud of dust and black smoke, the videographer, and those he were filming were all rushing away. As they rushed to shelter around the corner, you could see still in the frame, the sight of a fire fighter who was also moving away to evade the black curtain and following debri as well. But there was something uniquely different and defiant about him. Instead of running away, he merely walked casually to get to the corner. Mere meters behind him the black curtain of dust was catching him up. He made it. He made it safe, alright. He wasn't running away from anything. Cool, calm, collected, he was ready to turn back around, to anything and everything, to face it straight on. -Netstalker, September 13th, 2001, 10:45AM.
The TV coverage may be going awry. I just listened to a psychologist who says that perhaps the reason the terrorists hit the WTC was because the towers were phallic symbols. Oh my. Kris, September 13th, 2001, 4:43PM.
I held it together until today. I've never posted here before, but in the hopes of keeping "the people" informed, I thought I should let everyone know what happened to me earlier this afternoon. I work in midtown Manhattan...quite a ways from ground zero. At around 12 this afternoon, our Office Manager came around and warned us that buildings all around us were being evacuated due to bomb threats. There wasn't one against our building per se, but she felt like it would only be a matter of time before we were let go. As I looked around the room, I saw the sudden terror I was feeling on every face at every desk. I can't tell you how quickly I got out of there. My feeling is that all the kooks are coming out of the woodwork, but after Tuesday, will we ever be able to doubt the validity of any such threat? Loree, September 13th, 2001, 6:29PM.
We are a beacon....last night as I lay listening to the news, my daughter came to sit by my side. In a very solemn voice she quietly asked, “Mommy, those terrorists are like the Nazis aren’t they?” I asked her what did she mean. With tears in her eyes, she replied, “They hate us, because we are American, just as the Nazis hated the Jews because they were Jewish.” At that moment, all I could do was hug her. Being “middle-class, American white-bread” I’ve never been the target of a hate discrimination before. Oh, I’ve been targeted due to size, yes, but this is different. People died because we are Americans. It could just as easily been me or you. Today is day 3 of America In Crisis and it just hasn’t sunk in yet. I see it in front of me on television, I hear it on the radio everywhere I go, I hear people talking about it, but has it really sunk in?? There are people out there that hate us so much because we are Americans, we live in the land of the free, home of the brave, and for that these monsters want us to die. Not only do they want us to die, they followed through with this heinous hate crime. When watching movies or reading books about hate crimes, I would often think, “I can’t imagine what it would feel like to be hated so much because of WHERE you come from that people want you dead.” Well, September 11, 2001 changed that line of thinking forever. We all know now. There is no question. The unspeakable horror scenes that our rescue workers and volunteers are dealing with will haunt my mind and the minds of many of us for a very long time. As will the scene of people laughing and dancing in the streets of foreign countries, celebrating “getting the Americans”. I can’t ever remember Americans celebrating the killing of innocent people as if they were holding a street party. How dare they celebrate our great loss. How dare they laugh in the face of our sorrow and grief. The Americans are the ones that always come to the aid of other nations. We are the ones that always pitch in with relief and support. We are the ones other countries come to in times of crisis. We are the ones that try to mediate peace between war torn nations. We are as President Bush said, “ A beacon among nations.” I heard today, a radio report made by a Canadian who stated these same facts and asked the question, who of these other nations have come to the aid of America? None. America has and will always be strong enough to stand alone. To continue to be that beacon to the world. A place of freedom, unity and patriotism. We are what other people want their nation to be. We live in the best country in the world. Yes our nation was shaken but we will survive. We as a whole are strong enough, brave enough, and unified enough to survive this. Is our freedom here in America taken for granted? You bet it is. Speaking for myself, I now remember living day to day never giving a thought to the fact that I can go at any given time and buy whatever it is that I want and need. I’ve never given a second thought that I can worship however I want to, in the open even. Even if I wanted to worship the grass, in America I can do it. Openly. I’ve never given a thought that I can walk the street every day without fear of being shot down because I am American. Why? Because it’s always been this way for me. Why? Because our forefathers fought for us to have the life that we have now. It’s that simple. And I know this, I learned it in school. But, that’s where the gist of it ended. Until Tuesday, September 11, 2001. Our “innocence” has been stolen as if a thief came in the night. We will never be the same.My only hope is that the poor souls lost in this, the heros of this terrible crisis will rest in sweet peace. That their families will be comforted by the love and support of a nation. That this has brought us together in solid Unity for a long time to come. That retaliation will be. That once again the nations of the world will see that we are indeed a beacon to the world, the land of the free, the home of the BRAVE. God Bless America. And, God Bless us all. -Staci, September 13th, 2001, 8:48PM.
"Bunch of Sand Niggers. Nuke 'em all." Those are the sentiments of the self described patriotic American I buy coffee from -- or did until yesterday when she made those comments. She is expressing what, unfortunately, is becoming more and more common in America -- anti Arab, anti Muslim sentiment. She and many others unfortunately seem to blame ALL Arabs for these horrible acts. I have been hearing a call from "good Americans" to either lock up those of Arab descent -- even those who are American citizens -- or force them to leave America. Are we going to let our anger and grief take over to the point where we're INSANE??? Are we willing to do to Arabs what we did -- and still regret doing -- to the Japanese during World War II? Isn't this tragedy bad enough without turning on other Americans, just because of their skin color? Have we learned NOTHING from the tragedies we've lived through before? I tell you when I hear the tapes of threats against Arabs and Muslims in this country I am disgusted. Yes, I'm an American, yes I love my country, and yes I'm devastated by this horror; however, blaming and attacking those innocent Arabs in this country (or even those in Arab countries who are innocent of these crimes) for this crime is no better than what they did to us and solves nothing. Crimes of this kind start with one thing -- hatred. Hating people, attacking, people, and wishing them dead just because of their nationality or religion is wrong. Especially in America. Or at least it's wrong in the America that I love. Vickie, September 14th, 2001, 2:12PM.
The Eagle Weeps
Her children stand in silent grief as tears glisten the faces of America.
Lost in disbelief, we wander, spent, wearied,
Unbearably saddened. That proud bird, symbol of the very spirit
Of this land, soars through dust, ash and destruction
And mourns.Images of the falling and the fallen rush past our eyes
And burn their way into our hearts. Our souls cry out,
Our very spirits wail as we seek to understand how;
How this infamy, this evil, this hatred, this unbelievable pain exists,
And why.Huddling together in twos and threes, in tens, twenties,
Hundreds and thousands, we stand united. Offering what
Comfort might be taken, sharing what information might be known
And joining our hearts that this our homeland, our refuge
And sanctuaryThough now bent and broken, might and will stand tall, unbowed.
And so, for now, the eagle weeps. Yet, still she flies over
This great land. Our America has not fallen though struck by
Mighty blows, in spite of the terror, the horror, the dread
And fear.Yes, the eagle still flies and America yet survives. Our suffering
Imbues us with ever greater and greater will,
To carry on and to grow, stronger, more united, and forever more
The land of the eagle. The eagle weeps
But endures.© Lynnda Collins 2001
I finally lost it last night. One one of the networks late news, reaction to the attack from various places in Euroope were shown. One of them was firefighters in Budepest paying tribute to the fallen firefighters at WTC. Well, that did it. I finally broke down. "If firefighters ever went to hell, they'd just put it out." Pete, September 15th, 2001, 10:52AM.
Getting back to normal. Some of you may remember that last year I was involved in the Cerro Grande Fire, which burned 48,000 acres in northern New Mexico and took out 400 homes in Los Alamos. Homes full of posessions and memories were reduced to piles of ash, and our beautiful mountains transformed, if not forever, then at least for the next 75 years. Now, please don't think that I am giving that incident the same weight as the tragedy on Tuesday, but there are some similarities, and I thought they might help some of you.During the fire, our feeling of personal security was demolished. On Tuesday, our feeling of national security suffered the same fate. Whether you personally suffered the additional loss of friends and family, we all suffered a huge blow to our self confidence. We have been struck in the face with something that *cannot* be completely prevented. Here in the US, we don't like to think there are things we can't control, however arrogant that makes us seem. The fact that Tuesday was committed with malice and forethought out of burning hate shakes us even further.It's going to take us a while to get past this thing. And I don't mean get over it. My reaction to this new tragedy has made it perfectly clear to me that we don't 'get over' things like this. We get past it, like the death that it is. Eventually we'll squirrel it away in some deep part of our psyche and be able to work around it. But we'll never really be the same. So if you find yourselves crying at the most absurd things. Or completely unable to function past the most basic tasks. Or unable to laugh without feelings of guilt. Or looking with horror at the trivia that makes up our daily lives even though people are dead and suffering. Remember that this will pass. Sooner for some of us, later for others. Give yourself permission to take as long as it takes. And take comfort that millions of people world wide shared the tragedy, and are sharing your feelings, and we'll all get through this together. Even if it doesn't really feel like it right now. Chiara, September 15th, 2001, 11:22AM.
Like many of us this week, I have been thinking about deal about the how's, why's, and what's to come. I've been mostly incommunicado this week, as I've been traveling in both West Virginia and Delaware on work assignments and a conference. So, I wanted to take this opportunity to finally sit down and write down some thoughts, share with you my feelings, and express to you how much I love you. I have seen over the course of this week both the horrific and the amazing. An attack, that when I first heard of it, I thought, "oh, no, not again." Like each of you, I am sure you will remember the exact moment you first heard about the crash into the World Trade Centers. I had stopped for gas on my way from Beckley, WV to Charleston, WV. In the gas station, someone mentioned he'd heard an airplane had crashed into the WTC. As I left the gas station, I searched for a radio station to catch the news. On my hour drive I listened in horror at the news of yet another airplane crash at WTC Tower 2, and then another at the Pentagon, and still more stories of car bombs at Justice, State, and the Capitol. Thankfully, those car bomb stories were false, but the horror of three airplanes crashing into American landmarks made my blood chill. What was next? Who else would die? Were those I loved safe? I wasn't surprised at the news of more terrorist attacks, although I certainly never expected anything like this in MY country. And perhaps that is the exact naiveté they were anticipating. We're no longer innocent children, sheltered from the harsh reality that people hate us, for no other reason than where we live. Isn't that an important lesson to remember as peoples of Arabic ethnicity are tormented in the streets, or mosques threatened with violence? These people, in great majority, do not support the violence and terror we've experienced this week, and we owe them the respect they deserve as fellow human beings. Be careful of the hate you spread; it may come back to you. As the day unfolded, and I was finally able to see video of the horrible damage, buildings crumble, and lives lost, I lost what remained of composure. No one I know was hurt. No one I know is missing. But a large part of me grieves for people who are lost, hurting, crying. I find it hard to keep my mind from wondering how those people on the airplanes must have felt, their fear and despair, when they realized they would die, and with them, fellow American's would perish. My heart cries for the people who received last telephone calls knowing they might not ever see their loved one again. It's beyond my sense of comprehension to understand how those trapped in burning, crumbling buildings must have felt, knowing they would die. And then, as if by miracle, my heart is lifted by the outpouring of love this country and the world nations have bestowed upon us. We have come together as a nation in our grief, and our desire to end terrorism. The love we share for each other, and this nation will bear us through these terrible days. More so, than hatred, anger, crashing airplanes, bombs, bullets, tanks, or threats. Let love, pride, patriotism, and honor will rule the day. So what is the answer? How do we stop this from happening? How do we prevent more loss of innocent lives? As this nation, and the world struggle to answer these questions, I hope we remember that every life is precious, but those who are evil, those that hate enough to murder innocents must die. I have never been a proponent of war, but we must fight this one, and we must win. I have great mistrust and suspicion of the military. But at this time of crisis, I support them completely. Likewise, my dislike and distrust of President Bush is put aside, because for the present, politics do not matter. I urge each of you to do likewise.This nation will suffer more losses. This nation will experience more heartbreak in the following days, months, and maybe years. But in the end, I believe that we will conquer, and we will go on. The courage, love, and teamwork we have shown, as a nation over these terrible five days must continue. Patience, support, and sacrifice must be the mantra. Do not let this day end without telling those important to you that you love them. Do not let the day end without saying a prayer, to whomever you worship, for those who are lost and grieving. Do not let this day end without doing what you can to help. May God Bless each of you, American, and our friends. May those who hate, die. T, September 15th, 2001, 11:06PM.
Before all this is over, we are going to be hearing a lot about heroes. The fallen monk. The firefighters, the rescuers, the people helping people. They are the heroes of the press, the examples held high for us all to thank and honor for their courage. And it is right that we do so. Yet in the face of uncertainty, many of us doubt our own strength. We cannot know how we would respond to such demands on us as people, and we silently question our character. Would we have what it takes to be a hero? Would we have courage?There is a courage which is within our grasp. In fact, we are all, to a soul, imbued with it. It is tenacity. It is the courage to keep going, not to be hobbled by circumstances, great or small. It is the determination not to allow ourselves to be vanquished by fear. Courage is a funny thing. The heroes I have had in my life have all demonstrated it, yet not one has entered a burning building or stared down an adversary. I saw courage in the face of a young woman as she sat in a courtroom and retold her story of assault. I saw it in the straight back and firm jaw of the man who held his wife as she cried. In the fuzzy head of a young cancer victim, and in the day-to-day life of a housewife who cares for her children and her husband the best she knows how. And I KNOW I will see it in the lives of my countrymen and women as we are asked to be patient and to sacrifice for the right to live in an open society. While it is admirable and inspiring to wave a flag or sing a song with others in a crowd, it is not courageous. Courage is the ability to sing that song or wave that flag when it has become unpopular, not politically correct, and not expedient. Courage comes from the strength it takes to remain steadfast when the group has disbanded, has given up hope, and has returned to complacency. I want a nation of brave people. Of people who will be patient with our leaders, who will sacrifice without complaint, who will, in six months when there is still no end in sight, continue to wave their flags and sing their songs with heads held high. I believe with all my heart that a new day has dawned in America. We have been given a second chance to be the people we were destined to be. We have been challenged to stand for our beliefs by an enemy who saw our apathy and thought he could destroy us. Oh, how he underestimated the heart of America. And the courage of Americans. I want to be one of the brave ones. I am not afraid -- yet -- because my personal safety remains intact. While I can see the devastation and listen to the reports, no one has stood before me and demanded my submission. It is easy to be brave when courage is not required. I want to remain strong and steadfast and as in love with my nation and my God as I am today. I want to remember these days when millions of flags wave on our soil, and voices are raised as one. And I want the people of our nation to come out of their living rooms, to resist the temptation to live in fear, and to show their courage today, tomorrow, and for all the tomorrows to come. Our future is not certain. We have no more comfort zone. While our leaders and our military seek out and destroy those who would terrorize, murder, and burn, each of us will be tested beyond our comprehension or understanding. To pass that test will take strength. It will take courage and a solid resolve. And in the end, we will be a nation of millions...each one a hero for having fought the fight. Kris, September 17th, 2001, 2:09AM.
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