General Board

Jen, do not apologize for yourself.

Posted By: Tina (4.62.243.5)
Date: Sunday, 27 April 2003, at 7:06 p.m.

In Response To: Sorry if that was a bit off topic (Jen)

I have a suggestion for you. It's free, so take it for what it's worth, okay?

When you move, before you move, as you move, re-invent yourself. Try to cast off the crap that has happened to you in superficial rich-ville, where you have a goodly number of social x-rays, and all the judgement that goes with it.

So much of life has to do with how we approach it and how we carry ourselves, and if you walk like a victim, then predators will see you as one and then attack. Maybe this could be a new start for you, because honestly, people are not like that all over. So don't expect it, act like you don't deserve it (because you don't, but you don't seem to be convinced of that), and things might be different for you in that regard.

As for the thing with your husband, I know you've written about troubles here and there. Hopefully you can pull together in this move and in helping each other with self-esteem issues. Each of you has body issues that originate within yourselves but expand to affect each other and then the relationship, which is basically a separate, living entity. I wonder if your huband truly is less attracted to you, or if he is so affected by his own weight that your size pushes those buttons. If you two can work on these issues separately and together (mealplanning, exercise, whatever you choose to do separately or together), and maybe even see a therapist, if you feel that would help and you have the money or coverage for it), then that might help. But IMO, the biggest thing is deciding you want to be together and then working on the issues within yourselves and then with each other, supporting each other like the best friends do.

First, Jen, you must stop apologizing for yourself. You have a right to take up as much room as you need in this life and in this world. You cannot gain your self worth from what other people tell you, and certainly not from random public acts. I know this plays into it, but if we let our self perception be dictated by public opinion and annonymous assholes, then we no longer own ourselves. Added to that is the fact that your daughter gets a goodly chunk of her self-esteem from you and your hubby; she will mirror your own feelings about your body when she forms her feelings about her own. Really, now is the time to settle those issues for yourself, and help yourself and your daughter at the same time.

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