General Board

Don't I always have an opinion???

Posted By: Vickie <midwife@abundancemagazine.com> (209.165.187.158)
Date: Saturday, 2 December 2000, at 5:53 p.m.

In Response To: maybe an even harder question than Mindy's..... (Brynda)

 

Hey there,

I'm writing this from the "home offices" of our dental assisting school. Since I don't know an explorer from a rubber dam clamp I'm not much use right now and wanted to "weigh in" on this issue.

You ask an excellent, interesting question: Are cheesecake pictures good for the SA movement? I'd like to ask another question: are cheesecake pics good for the individual women in the SA movement? Since the movement is made of individual women, my concern obviously is for the woman who considers taking (and publishing -- again, a separate issue) these kind of pictures.

The answer is: that depends.

If she's doing it as part of her growth and acceptance, then yes, it's good for her. If she looks at the pictures with a sense of pride, then most definitely yes. I know that for me personally, having Burt take my pic and having Tina pretty it up has allowed me to see myself in a very different way than I normally do. I still have a difficult time sometimes, Tina can attest to that; however, it seems like it has helped me a lot because I could see myself, sometimes at least, as something other than a disgusting blob of fat and flesh. Whether or not my picture found its way online, it was good for me. The fact that it seems to garner some positive attention is even nicer. But for me, the pic came AFTER I had a husband, AFTER I felt like I was getting sufficient male attention. Its purpose is quite different than many of the pics out there.

However, if a woman looks at the pics with a sense of shame (which is so sad), or if she does it solely to get male attention (something not always easy to get as a large woman in this culture) then I think it really CAN cause problems. When we put ourselves out there for the admiration of men, and we focus attention on it to the exclusion of most everything else, then I think it's easy to feel used. It's that feeling, of being a piece of meat, that I think isn't good for most women in the long run. And this goes for women of ALL sizes, not just us. However, I think it's easier for us to fall into that particular trap because our self images are so... tenuous.

I hate to bring Mendi's situation into this, and I hope she doesn't mind, but since Les did I feel like it's not totally out of line to mention her here. Mendi exhibited a lot of bravery and chutzpah to put herself out there in the way she has in the past. At a time when SA was pretty much a novelty (and I'm still amazed at how many people haven't heard of size acceptance *sigh*), she was out there, strutting her stuff. Something there is no WAY I would have had the bravery to do, and I'll venture that I'm not alone. However, and this is something she's shared with us, she still has a difficult time living down that "image". Many people, probably men in particular think of her as a sex goddess -- not a woman. I think that's the downside of presenting yourself in a highly sexual way -- that that becomes the ONLY way you're seen, hence the whole "slut" thing. So in that way I think she really paid for that male attention that she got; I can only hope -- and this is for her to say -- that it was worth it for her.

One objection I have heard is that cheescake pictures portray all of us as easy, sex-starved women. Hmmmmm....no one says that thin women posing makes all thin women look easy.

You're right, and I think that's very unfortunate. The only excuse I can come up with is that it's because it's not the cultural norm. Yet. :-) Anything out of the ordinary (and these "anything goes" days it takes a lot to be considered abnormal) is therefore suspect. Because there is SO much semi and total nudity out there, and because the preponderance of what we're bombarded with by the media is thin women, that becomes what is considered "normal", whether we like it or not. We've become desensitized to it, much in the same way we've become desensitized to bloody violence.

Also, I hate to admit it, but I think among women at least, there is just a little bit of jealousy, which also adds to the problem. I think a lot of us would like to have more self confidence than we do; as a result it can sort of "gall" us that other women make it look so darn EASY!!! So maybe a small percentage of it is that. At least for some women.

So, is it good for the SA movement? If it helps women move forward in pride and confidence, then yes, it's good. If it makes laughing stocks out of us, if women are out there ashamed of what they've done, then no, it doesn't further the cause. I suppose like most things, the truth lies somewhere in between.

Now aren't you sorry you asked?

Off to write some email,

Vickie

PS -- I almost forgot. The reaction that our fat sisters have to our pics is also important in growth (not in girth but in wisdom). If you can look at pics of fat women and think, "Wow, she's really beautiful. Hey, maybe I'm not so bad then" as happens to me when I see pics of Cat, then I think it's a really good sign of personal progress and acceptance of our own sexual worth as fat women. However, if we look at a pic (assuming it's tastefully done so you're not reacting to the "scene" but the woman) and you get squeamish, then I think it's a sign that you really need to look at what it is about the fat human form that is so repulsive. So either way, it can, I think, be a yardstick of sorts. Am I all wet thinking this? Or does it make some sense??

 

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