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Posted By: Vickie, Chick Board Midwife <midwife@abundancemagazine.com> (63.28.217.180)
Date: Wednesday, 14 June 2000, at 7:31 p.m.Wow, I feel so important, with a message subject like that!!! Okay folks, here's the sitch. On my favorite radio station this morning, the Morning Team was doing their usual patter, and they started discussing Roeseanne's (supposed) feature in Playboy Magazine. That's when the fat bashing started. They ripped her a new one, calling her body "planet sized" and saying the magazine would have to be a lot thicker to accommodate her size. Lots of childish stuff like that. They gleefully made fun of Roseanne's comment that she "loved her hot body" or words to that effect. The answer was clear: no woman of size should DARE love her body, much less let it all hang out in Playboy.
I fumed, then went to my chem class, took my test, went to lab, inhaled lots of noxious fumes and didn't think about it any more, fully intending to send them an email. So, when I had a chance, I did! And here it is, in its entirety.
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Hi, Lauren!
I'm sending this to you, but really it's for both you and Devan. I have to tell you that your fat bashing comments this morning about Roseanne's playboy centerfold were really, really hurtful to me and no doubt many other "women of size" who listen to your show. In case you weren't aware, there is a great percentage of women over size 14 who listen to the radio, purchase the products for which you sell advertising, and have opinions. I am one such woman.
I know that size discrimination probably isn't something familiar to you, Lauren, since you were blessed with good genes. However, just as you may be prone to be very thin, some of us, despite our best efforts, cannot reach what is considered a "normal" weight. Call it a glandular condition or just bad luck, the truth is that many of us can no more control our weight than we can the color of our skin.
Does this make us any less beautiful than our thinner sisters? Does it mean that we shouldn't be seen naked, receiving the same admiration as our skinny sisters? Are we less deserving of feeling sexy? Feeling beautiful? Being admired?
I think not. And many, many people agree with me. There are lots of men out there who admire a woman with "meat on her bones" and pay good money for magazines featuring full figured women. There are also numerous sites on the internet which feature women of size and let me tell you the attention those women get is astounding!!! (No, I'm happily married, so you'll not see my body on the internet but I have many friends online who are, shall we say, very popular!)
So, while you and Devan may not wish to see Roseanne's "planet sized" body in Playboy, rest assured that lots and lots of men will. And while Roseanne isn't my favorite person -- just because of the sleaze factor, not her size, obviously -- I think the time has come for beautiful women of size, women like Camryn Manheim as an example, to strut their stuff.
But it will never happen if they experience the kind of reactions that you, and many others in the media such as Jay Leno, dish out. How do you think a teenage girl who carries more weight than her thin friends feels, having a body the same size as hers described as being the size of a "planet"? What do you think that would do to her self esteem? This societal attitude toward fat leads to eating disorders -- in women AND men -- because too many young girls feel that the WORST thing they can be is fat. They put themselves on diets in grammar school and judge others based on their size, not their deeds. Where do they learn this? From the society they live in.
And it starts in the media.
You guys have the opportunity to choose not participate in the last bastion of bigotry -- fat bashing. You have the chance to be above the kind of childish, hurtful name calling that many of us experienced as children and young adults. Or you can go for cheap laughs.
What's it gonna be? Personally, I'm hoping for the best.
Except for the little "blip" this morning, I love your show, I've called in more than once, and I'm very glad my kids didn't hear your fat bashing comments this morning because I tell you, they would have been much less kinder to you than I am!
With warm regards,
Vickie ******
A Proud Fat Chick-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Her response:)
Dear Vickie,
I apologize profusely for my comments and Roseanne's size.......... this was not directed, as though it apparently and unfortunately came out that way, at women of size. All of God's creatures are beautiful inside and out, and believe me Vickie, I am no prize and pick on myself all the time............
The reason Roseanne was brought up, is because she has basically been controversial, loud mouthed (a bit like me I guess) and self righteous, and it seems like an oxymoron for her to pose in playboy. Now, I was taking a jab at Roseanne, and not at any women of size...I honestly thought about it later, and did regret that I said it, because I though "Oh man, I did not mean to offend women of size"........and I knew I would hear about it.
So Miss Vickie, please find it in your heart to forgive this skinny, flat chested, big mouthed chick, who stuck her foot right in there yesterday. Sometimes, when we talk and start kidding around.......horseplay.........once in a while something wrong slips out, and that was one of those times. I am sure we all have said something NOT PC off the radio from time to time, and once again, it was a Roseanne comment and I swear it has nothing to do with anyone else, to do so would alienate me from many people, and I like people so much, that would be a tragedy.
Have a wonderful day, you lovely woman~ Lauren
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(My response to her: )
Dear Lauren,
Thank you, Lauren honey, for your lovely email. Honestly I wasn't expecting you to be so incredibly nice and understanding -- not that I don't think you're a terrific person, it's just that often people don't care about or understand the hurtful things said about us "fat chicks" in today's culture. It is pervasive, sometimes subtle, sometimes not, and it is ignored by everyone except those who have been made aware of it.
I sensed that you weren't talking about all "fat chicks" when you were talking about Roseanne, but it really came off as more about her body than her personality. Had you guys talked about her wallowing in the mud with that Tom fella, or her saying she has multiple personalities one week, OCD another, or even the way she spit when singing the National Anthem, I'd have been right there with ya.
Anyway, before I go off on another tangent, I just wanted you to know how much your email meant to me and my "fat sisters". I am very involved in some online size acceptance groups, and posted my email to you because sticking up for each other is something we do. They were very encouraging, and I was happy tell them this morning (no, I didn't post your email, since I didn't have your permission) that I received a beautiful, articulate, heartfelt apology from you. You're now a hero in these women's eyes, Lauren. I think you should know that. You are a lovely, strong, funny, articulate woman who, like me, has a big mouth. Trust me, sister friend, it's gotten me into trouble more than once. And as you said, we're all beautiful inside and out, so you have no reason to pick on yourself, any more than I should. Not that it stops us, right? I don't know why we do it, but we do. It's a "grrrl thing", I think. But we deserve better.
Please take care, my dear, keep up the good work, and ONE of these days I want to be home when you guys play Outburst so I can join in.
Your biggest fan, both in size as well as feeling,
Vickie
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(Her final response to me:)
Dear Vickie,
If you don't stop being so damned nice, you are gonna make me cry Missy!!!! Thank you for the kind words and for your forgiveness...........please feel free to post my email with your group. I want them to know that there is a REAL hero here, and it's not me. Her name is Vickie, and she taught Lauren ******* a very important lesson in life.
So to my hero, cheers to you, and your sisters of size for accepting yourself and loving yourselves, as you should. Congratulations for making such an impact on me.
You know, you learn such great things sometimes, just by sticking your foot in your big ole mouth Vickie... So remember, I am no one's hero, I am just an average Joe like anyone else. Please, as I said, feel free to share this letter, as it broke my heart yesterday when I found that I really hurt someone's feelings. I do feel better now that I know what a loving and forgiving lady you are. Thanks again and please stay in touch..........
All my best hon~
Lauren
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