General Discussion Board
To V ~ One Of My LONG, Boring Stories.
Posted By: Karen (152.163.206.201)
Date: Thursday, 1 June 2000, at 8:52 p.m.In Response To: Oprah and the typical weight loss show..... (Victoria)
Hi Victoria!
When I read your post about Oprah's guests, a light bulb went off in my head. I'd really like you to read the following and then consider my conclusion, if you would be so kind!
I've read many of your posts about how you gained your weight and about your illnesses, so I think I have a little bit of a handle on your history. If I'm not mistaken, you gained your weight as an adult.
If that's true, I'm thinking that might be the reason we see this issue so differently. You see, I've been "chubby" since 3rd grade. (Although in reality, looking back I really wasn't bad, maybe a couple of pounds overweight.) My father, with his stereotypical Sicilian temper, was extremely hard on me about my size. He HARPED on me many times each day, made fun of me, hit me and put me on RIDICULOUS diets!
By the time I was in 8th grade he had a little ritual. Before dinner every night he would make me get the bathroom scale and bring it to the dining room...where my Mother and two brothers (normal size) were waiting to begin dinner. I had to put the scale on the floor next to my Father and weigh myself in front of everyone. If I hadn't lost any weight in the past day or if I gained a pound, he'd smack me in the back of my head and ridicule me! This would make my Mother cry and my brothers laugh.
Can you see what that kind of treatment would do to a young girl's self esteem and body image? The really sad part is that I ended up believing every word he said!!! Like Pavlov's dogs, I was conditioned! I believed I was hideously ugly, that no man would ever want to be with me, I HATED my body...HATED my fat...HATED my flesh. I formed my opinions of myself through my Father's eyes....wrong as he was. And I began on my journey of a life time of self-loathing.
The really ironic thing is that when I graduated from high school, I weighed 145#. THAT'S IT!!!!! Yet he was extremely ashamed of how fat I was, so I believed I was HUGE!!! Now when I look at my sweet 16 party or high school graduation pictures, I see how truly pretty I was! Whenever I get my scanner set up, I'll show you my HS picture..you won't even believe that I could have thought I was fat or hideously ugly!!! I say this with absolutely NO vanity, but only to share how distorted my body image was.
Doctors have since told me that, had I not yo-yo dieted as a kid and into my 30's, I would probably have a set point of about 160#. Geesh...who wouldn't be happy with that??? It still makes me so very sad to think all this pain and heart ache was so unnecessary, but I don't dwell on that anymore. It's counter-productive.
My story is no different from so MANY of the gals here who were fat kids. I'm sure each one could tell you her own horror story.
Sooooooo, to bring this all to conclusion, I totally understand how folks who go on talk shows feel about hating their fat, etc. They've been conditioned to hate themselves! Had I gained my weight as an adult and not had such horrible messages about my body drilled into my brain, I might not understand either.
Do you think that could be the reason you get upset and angry, while others of us can understand only too well? I'd really like to know if you think I've got something here. :))
Peace and hugs,
Karen