Women’s Board
Nightmare blind date
Posted By: biochick <biochick4@yahoo.com> (63.66.112.63)
Date: Thursday, 16 December 1999, at 9:20 a.m.In Response To: Nightmare Single ads dates (Victoria)
I have to share this story.
In college, my friends Peggy and Ed wanted me to get a boy friend. They thought I was great and couldn't understand why I guy wouldn't date me. I understood it, and was fine with it, but they couldn't deal. So they decide to hook me up with Ken. Ed's friend. "Oh, he's a nice guy," Peggy said. "He's cute and chubby and has a nose like yours," said Ed.
This should have been my warning signal. I should have run screaming.
They guys went all out, I must say and picked Peggy and I up in a Limo. Ed and Ken came to the door. Peggy and I were all decked out. Let me share what Ed was wearing.
1) Navy blue pinstripe suit
2) White crisp button down shirt
3) Lovely red paisly tie
4) Blue dress socks
5) Black dress shoes.Totally classy.
Let me now share what Ken was wearing.
1) Grey pinstripe dress pants 3 sizes too small, rip in the seat.
2) 1 brown dress sock, 1 white tube sock
3) 1 pair of light brown, plether slip on loafers with yellow sole
4) Marvin the Martian Tie
5) A white dress shirt, not ironed, a non-button down collar, and a white/tone on tone shiny stripe
6) A Yosemite Sam Vest
7) 7 count em, 7 gold chains each with a charm the size of my fistLovely.
So they get us in the limo. Ed and Peggy on one side, Ken and I on the other. Ed pulls out a bottle of Peggy's favorite wine and two glasses. Ken pulls out a 40 and a straw. I am NOT kidding. Peggy's mouth dropped open when she saw it. I just about passed out.
We are driven to the restaurant in R.I. When the limo stops and the driver opens our door, Ken addresses him as boy, and hands him a dollar to "keep her running and ready to rumble". A dollar.
We get inside the restaurant. I'm ready to crawl in a hole at this point. Peggy drags me to the bathroom, and begs me to stick it out, b/c Ed feels bad and wants it to be a good night. I'm a good friend so I smile, wishing I had a valium, and say OK.
We go to our private room and Ken takes over ordering for us. His words were "The little women will be having Fillit Minion".
Yes, folks, Fillit Minion. Now, being fluent in french has allowed me to pronounce Fillet Mignon, several ways. On my life, I have never heard it like that.
The meal continued, we ordered drinks and small talk commenced in earnest. Ken spent the next two hours talking about his collection of grade b soft porn movies and his love of all things warner bros. Every time I tried to make a comment or offer a new topic, I was told interrupted. The entire evening the collar of his tacky dress shirt kept flapping up and hitting him in the face, b/c it wasn't button down and he didn't by a collar tack (or whatever those are)
The meal ends and we drive home. Of course, my misery can't end yet, and Ken makes the limo driver, Boy, stop at a Blockbuster. Giving him another dollar, at this point. Boy must have thought himself so lucky. *rolls eyes*
We rent The Fugitive on Laser disk and head back to Ken's house.
I run for the rocking chair. Peggy and Ed take the pillow art that had been assembled on the floor. I found out later that Ken had hoped I'd "part my legs and let him be a man". Yes folks, those are the words he told Ed. Ken, layed out on the couch. This was after he took his shoes off, and his tie, vest and shirt, leaving the gold chains to rustle softly against his chest hair.
We watched the Fugitive (my first time seeing it. Great flick!) while Ken slept on the couch snoring. I kept begging to leave, but Peggy said it would be rude. Half way through the movie, Ken wakes up, pads to the kitchen, farts loudly, yells "Whoooo Bobby" and gets himself a bowl of ice cream and a soda.
He sits down, eats his food, drinks his soda, and procedes to go back to sleep. Waking up 45 minutes later, he asks "You didn't want anything did you? You sure did eat alot at the restaurant"
At this point, he goes back to sleep, Ed is apologizing under his breath profusely and we watch the end of the movie.
I get up when it's over and walk down the stairs, hoping to make it out without saying good bye. Peggy and Ed, of course, have to wake Ken up, who comes running after me, asking if I'd like to make it just the two of us next time. I assured him that there would be no next time, but thanking him for the memory that I would hopefully supress for the rest of my life.
As you can imagine. I've not been on a blind date since.