General Discussion Board

Why I like Mondays

Posted By: Ten (208.13.36.156)
Date: Monday, 20 September 1999, at 12:08 p.m.

I used to hate Mondays. Monday was the day I always started a new diet, a new way to reduce myself to the accepted size of our society, something that fit into the S-M-L category, even XL being a bit frowned upon. Monday loomed over the weekend like the executioner's axe, ever reminding me that it would be the first day of deprivation and I'd better enjoy that chocolate and pizza now because by Monday my stomach would think my throat had been cut. I growled at them, hated them, considered them the enemy. And I relived this same ritual every week. By Wednesday afternoon, I was a goner, a failure, completely unable to follow the 10 calorie/day plan I had set for myself and now wallowing in my inability to control myself, my body, my food cravings or my insatiable urge for potato chips at 3pm. By Thursday I was in search of yet another diet to start on Monday, cautioning myself all weekend and then beginning the ritual again.

Then one day I stumbled into this place and learned about a term called self-acceptance. I started looking at the good in myself and seeing how lucky I am that I am healthy and that, outside the fact that I work in a very appearance-conscious field, I have it pretty damned good. I stopped cringing at catching my profile in the mirror. I stopped wearing jackets to cover the bulges when it was 85 outside. I took everything which was size 18 and uncomfortable and tossed them in a box in the basement, now reveling in how comfy the 22's are. I stopped piling my hair on top of my head every day and now let it cascade down my back like a waterfall of blonde. It looks wonderful. I smile more. I'm more active and refuse to be intimidated by the compulsive size 5's who prance around the weight room or the swimming pool. They have protruding bones, brittle hair, thin skin, dull eyes and will look like crones when they are 30. Hehehe. Gravy.

I talk to Erin, the fat chick who works crew on the show, who is struggling with audition acceptance and dealing with directors who think the fat chicks should play only the old women roles *scream* a constant battle for us, but through the grace of Camryn Manheim perhaps that is changing, though, slowly. Erin & I talk about starting our own acting troop called Abundant Theater, those under 200 pounds need not apply (well, they can, but we'll make them work crew *LOL*), and write stories and plays to take to schools teaching, not just acceptance of race and religion, but acceptance of all shapes & sizes. We'll also do full scale musicals (fat chicks can dance too) and plays in a community theater atmosphere. Costumers will be required to bring in size 20+ costumes instead of trying to cram us into size 12. We may take criticism for our "non-traditional casting", but it's about time that talent is recognized as talent and not qualified by what size is worn by the actor.

I talk to Jeanne, the Catherine Zeta Jones look alike who has a 350 pound brother she has been embarrassed by for far too long. We talk about his health problems, how hard it is for him to go out in public and how difficult it is for him to even feed himself because his arms don't go around his chest and bring the food to his mouth easily. We talk about restaurants with armless chairs, seatbelt extensions, and things she can do to help make life better for him rather than criticize him. I see hope and compassion in her eyes where there was embarrassment and distain. The light bulb went on and I helped do that. Wow. Kewl. And she even ate a brownie at the cast party .. something I have NEVER seen her do in 8 weeks of rehearsal.

Friday night, I insisted my husband take a full body picture of me in my opening night dress with nothing in front of me to hide behind. He argued with me, but I made him do it anyway. After 19 years, he is well entrenched in the traps I've trained him in, "hide that fat body" ... it will take some time to untrain him.

I'm not patting myself on the back here, this is an acknowledgement of what I've learned HERE, from each of you; from Steve and Vickie and Victoria and Tina and Karen and George and Pete and Wayne and Rebecca and Mindy and Kris and everyone else who comes here and puts in a positive word about themselves or draw attention to something which strikes a chord in my life as well. The overall understanding and acceptance I've gleaned from coming here has had an incredible affect on my life overall. I don't put up with things I used to, I'm not militant about it, but I'm changing little things around me, and attitudes, like Erin & Jeanne, one person at a time.

Now, when Monday's come around I look at them so much differently. I don't dread them, I see them as a renewal of things around me, a sort of New Year every week where I can start over in my routines and find a more efficient way of working, practicing, housekeeping, and treating my family. I make lists of things to do and catch up on, day-by-day and make some goals for the week, like giving away those size 18 clothes or finally hanging the wallpaper border in the laundry room. I catch up on my bookkeeping and web design techniques. I write my mother email. I separate important projects from annoyances, I write love notes to my children, I draw moustaches on magazine covers which are blatantly airbrushed into some plastic simulation of perfection.

And come Thursday, I will NOT be looking for a new diet. I'll be spending my time in more constructive and positive ways ...

Thank you all for helping me to love Mondays again and to celebrate each and every one of them I am granted.

Ten
(The "Margot Tympanick Pizza Diet" or the "Ginny Wright Rice-Cake Diet"? I don't THINK so!)

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