Abundance Magazine Discussion Board
Posted By: Kris (205.188.193.177)
Date: Monday, 23 August 1999, at 2:45 a.m.
I understand The Otherplace is planning to publish a weekly tabloid-style newspaper whose editorial policy specifically targets Abundance and it's readership. Anonymous sources close to the Administration of The Otherplace have revealed these proposed expose`s:
The giant eye on the pyramid on our dollar in the US is modeled after Glen's actual eye.
Glen and Mindy own a fleet of black helicopters and maintain a militia of mercenaries in the foothills of the Sierra Nevada mountains. Said operatives remain at Code Orange 24/7; one phone call from Vermont, and they descend upon The Otherplace with diet pills and Deal-A-Meal cards.
Crop circles, when properly arranged, form the blueprint for The Otherleader's office complex, which is cleverly disguised as a K-Mart near San Jose, California.
Mindy and Glen are pod people, extra-terrestrials who were hatched in a grain silo somewhere in the Midwest. They were the first X-File.
There are actually only two people who frequent Abundance - Mindy and Glen. The rest are false identities assumed by the couple to create the illusion of a well-populated message board. They check the number of posts daily at the Otherplace, and work feverishly into the night to exceed their numbers.
Translated to iambic pentameter, an anagram of all the posts at Abundance forms an intricate plot to destroy The Otherplace.
Abundance headquarters occupies a vast underground catacombs in the rain forest of Brazil. Mindy and Glen are actually mole people who have not seen the light of day in centuries. The speak to one another with a series of squeaks and whistles, understood only by the other posters at Abundance, who obey their every command without question.
Abundance is the cyber version of Stepford. All who post there lose their identities and become perpetually perky and loving.
Cable television is a two-way media, controlled by Mindy and Glen. At will, they record the day-to-day lives of Otherplace posters. Video files are maintained on all denizens of the Otherplace, and plans are in place to reveal certain, shall we say, "shortcomings" related to the Administrator.
The Somers' have been stockpiling aerosol spray cans in and around the Otherplace headquarters. Said cans are released surreptitiously and on timers, thereby thinning the ozone directly above The Otherplace and exposing Otherplacers to dangerous levels of radiation. Plans are being drafted at this very moment to cast suspicion upon the leadership of the Otherplace as being resopnsible for global warming.
A clever, self-perpetuating computer virus has been developed by Mindy and Glen. All Otherplace posters who lurk at Abundance will be infected. All computer files are lost, the operator is possessed of the irresistable urge to undergo weight loss surgery.
Mindy and Glen have information vital to the Simpson defense, the Jon-Benet Ramsey case, and Filegate.
Mindy and Glen are really thin people who own a fitness center in New Zealand.
Any Abundance poster who claims to be "leaving here forever" is actually assimilated by the Borg, to be replaced by a doppleganger who reports directly to The Otherplace.
Be afraid. Be VERY afraid.